Visita Iglesia 2013

Hi everyone! In case you are not familiar with Visita Iglesia, Visita Iglesia is one of the most pleasant traditions that Catholics observe during the Lenten season. Every Maundy Thursday, also known as cuaresma or semana santa, it has been a tradition to many Filipino Catholic faithful to do the VISITA IGLESIA which literally means "church visit". This practice was introduced to us where Christians would visit churches during Maundy Thursday.

Traditionally, seven churches are visited with two stations per visit. Other Christians, with more time and effort, visit fourteen which symbolize the 14 Stations of the Cross. And as a devout Catholic, this practice has been religiously observed throughout the years. During these visits, prayer and meditation are the norms. Each church depends on your liking. Most people prefer it to be 7 like we do.

And with the numerous beautiful churches in our country specifically in Metro Manila, practicing this holy tradition has been an easy task. Another reason why Visita Iglesia is a wonderful tradition to uphold is that you not only get to remember the life of Jesus Christ on the Cross, but also you get to appreciate the beauty of the architectural designs as well as the history of the churches you have the chance to visit. Since I opted to stay in Manila for the holy week, I rather join this tradition as well as a great opportunity to explore Manila while most of the people are flocked in their respective provinces…means less crowd and less traffic. :) With the intense heat during the day, the fan is really a necessity, and of course, plenty of water or any liquid to avoid dehydration. It's summer and Mr. Sun sure is getting hotter.

In past years, we've either concentrated on a specific part of town; visiting churches clustered in that area, or worked our way to a final destination. This year, we went with the latter option - starting in Pasig, Quezon City and making our way to our final stop in Manila.

The following are the churches we have visited for this year's VISITA IGLESIA (in order of visit):

1st church: Sto. Rosario de Pasig, Rosario Pasig City

When I was still working or going somewhere in Ortigas, I used to pass by this church every single day, but I didn’t have the time to visit it. Finally, I had the chance to pray inside. The crucifix at the altar was veiled with a purple cloth, since it’s a practice to remove or veil crosses during Lent.

2nd church: St. Pio of Pietrelcina, Libis Quezon City

"Carry your cross and follow me". The way of the cross at St. Pio

It is located deep within the commercial district of Libis, and literally side-by-side with the tall buildings of Eastwood, is a picturesque little chapel dedicated to Saint Pio of Pietrelcina, more affectionately known as Padre Pio. The chapel is quite unique among the churches that I have visited. They apply a very strict dress code, but they do not turn away people who come dressed less than appropriately. Instead they lend people “sarongs”, for free, with which churchgoers can cover themselves. Also, for people who didn’t wear proper shoes like flip flops or step-in shoes which is not allowed inside they usually ask to be barefooted and leave the shoes in the counter. To avoid exchange of shoes they give this small card with number so that after you pray you can claim your shoes. They also lend real wood crosses with different sizes which will be suitable for men, women, young and adults, to carry on the shoulder, for people who want to go through the Stations of the Cross.

3rd church: Christ the King, Greenmeadows Ave., Quezon City

Upon entering the church, a huge image of Christ the King on the altar will immediately capture your eyes. The image looks comely but nonetheless it is a regal image of Christ, crowned as King and enthroned in a magnificent altar. The parish church is one huge hall, upon entering one will truly appreciate the space inside the church plus the fact that it is well lighted and fully air-conditioned.

4th church: St. John Bosco Church, Makati City

I grew up going to mass here, because it is where my parents had their wedding and had my baptismal too, as well as this church is close to our house when we’re still living in Makati. It is commonly referred to by many as just the "Don Bosco Church". The highlight of the structure is the huge wooden altar sculpture, which resemble leaves in a star-shaped arrangement. The Church is light and airy, with excellent acoustics due to the impressively constructed waffled ceiling. It was also pleasantly cool because of the many air conditioners that line the church's circumference, as well as the numerous electric fans mounted on the side aisles.

5th church: St. Andrew Church, Bel-air Makati City

This church architecture to be a bit stuck in time, but this vision of the cross hanging from its high, vaulted ceiling was one that I found to be quite poignant and striking.

6th church: Manila Cathedral or Basilica of the Immaculate Conception, General Luna st., Intramuros Manila

This is one of my favorite churches in Metro; I even imagine myself having my wedding here and walking in its long aisle. Hehe Anyway, from a distance, the church looks open with all the people surrounding it. But when we approached the church, it was closed and the Stations of the Cross were stationed outside where people can pray, the sun was setting and the wind was blowing. I was a bit disappointed because I was not able to see the beautiful cathedral from inside. But, there will always be a next time anyway. We prayed and went our way to the next church which is the San Agustin Church located just a few blocks from the cathedral.

7th church: San Agustin church, General Luna st., Intramuros Manila

While walking towards the San Agustin Church, there were so many food stalls and booths surrounds the side of the road, where you can buy food or stuffs. I was thrilled to see the face of Intramuros where there are still old, beautiful and architecturally designed buildings. It was my first time to see the church. The roads, as well, were still preserved to be made of stones. The Stations of the Cross were perfectly posted in front of the church with purple cloth on each of it. It reminded us of Christ’s sufferings to wash away our sins. As we entered the church, I was so amazed by the architectural design from the ceiling to the altar. A world tradition site at that…the interiors features a classic baroque and historical significance that makes it a splendid site. The exterior of the church, though lacking a bit of charm and beauty, really showed the influence of the Spanish colonization with a touch of images on its wooden doors. After praying and lighting a candle, we stayed for a few minutes more to admire the church. It feels like heaven.

During our Visita, we carry along a booklet which guides us in our reflections. We read the designated reflection on each church we visit. Our route maybe a little too tiring considering the distance, but it is just our little way of paying back, sacrificing, reflecting and doing penance. That's actually the meaning of holy week, right? After all God is sinless yet suffered a lot more for us. But confession is much encouraged. To think, and thank God for everything that he has done for us. For all the unending blessings He's showering upon us. It's just my way to give it all back to Him because that's all I can do for Him right now. No complaints, just being thankful. :)) It may be a very tiring experience but it is also a very fulfilling one.

I hope that you guys are having a fruitful Holy Week. Thank you Lord for the gift of life, for the gift of wisdom, knowledge and grace and for your unending guidance and blessings to me and my loved ones! :))

P.S: Sorry guys didn’t take any pictures of the churches I went to because I left the camera at home and I forgot that I had my iPod with me. Haha Pictures not mine got it from Google images, credit all goes to the owner. If you are the owner and want it to be removed from this site, feel free to tell me and I'll remove it for you.

Don’t Define Yourself By What You’re Not

This is another article from Thought Catalog by Brianna Wiest.

I find it fascinating that people are usually described, initially at least, by a brief summary of their physical attributes and anything else that is outwardly recognizable. The first things we tend to first reach for when explaining someone are their hair color, clothing style, height, weight, job, or other successes. Even when we note that so-and-so is a really great person, that fact usually doesn’t stand alone. It’s sandwiched between other physical descriptors.

But that would make sense, right? Those are the obvious, most easily definable and recognizable things in a person. When we try to paint a picture of someone, we want to use what will best facilitate a visual. I get that. But the problem is that as much as we define other people within those means, I think we can sometimes begin to think of ourselves as being only the summation of what others can perceive.

You are not your hair color. You are not your choice of clothing. You’re not your height, weight or job or degree of education. More importantly, you’re not your mistakes. You’re not defined by the things that make you human, otherwise known to some as “flaws.” The physical are just descriptors that make you easier to identify by others, they don’t define who you are.

You are whatever touches your soul more deeply than anything. You are who you love. You are the music that makes you cry. You are the daydreams your mind trails off to. You are your favorite food. You are your deepest desires. You are what you want to bring to the world. You are the silly jokes that make you laugh. You are how you treat other people, especially people who don’t and can’t do anything for you in return. You are anything and everything that touches you and changes you from your core.

I’ve noticed that people tend to fall into two categories in this respect, and I usually see it when I’m having a conversation with someone. There are those who focus on what they’re saying, and those who focus on how they appear while saying it. As a disclaimer, it’s not to say that everybody in the world falls into either category, we’re all too diverse for such simple generalizations, so I apologize for that. Also, it’s not a matter of seeing that someone is using an abnormally astute vocabulary and is dressed well that would determine whether or not they are trying to seem intelligent and put-together.

It’s that when someone is focused on what they’re saying, it’s apparent that they feel they have something to bring to the table. Their faces express emotion congruent to what they are saying. It’s clear that they are, for the majority of the time, focusing on just what they are saying, not how they are being received by others. The conversation moves beyond the superficial, and there is truly thought behind their words. They are not speaking just for the sake of appearing one way or another or impressing anyone. They are speaking from their depths, and they realize that they aren’t what the world will take them to be.

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This was such a nice article. I like how the writer describe people speaking from their despair and realizing that physical appearance are just picture that help you to recognize by others, but it doesn’t define who you are. I feel like while reading it, also deals with the awareness that can lead to so many self-esteem issues. It is best just to know you who are and what your value and loving and accepting yourself can come so much easier.

I believe that everyone’s special in their own way. Everyone is unique and special; even if you don't think you are. Everyone has a unique physical structure and a mind. Just because you’re a little different doesn’t mean you’re not special. I learned that there are people who are different from others that want acceptance. That I shouldn’t accept them just because I feel pity for them but that I should accept them for who they are. Without variations in the world the world is boring. Everything is dull and everything would look the same. This I believe. There is something deeper inside of you, beyond your surface appearance. Think beyond what you can see.

COSMOS

Time check, it is almost past twelve, 12:42am to be exact, it’s already dawn and all the people are already in deep sleep and here I am wide awake with no signs of sleepiness at all like an owl. O.O I can’t sleep!! Maybe this over thinking is the culprit for ruining my precious body clock.

Anyway, I have nothing in particular I’d like to say. I just wanted to write or to type and hear the keyboard clack as I do. The itch is back. LOL :)) This itch comes and goes. My head is swimming in gigantic thoughts and ideas. And I hate it!! I can’t stop thinking or rather over thinking. So what’s the goal/priority? I want to build myself a career. I can’t say I started treading the wrong path because I invested time and effort where I am now, learned a couple of things --- patience for one. Often we want, what we desire is something we keep deep inside of us…something so dear and so special, it feels too scary to let it out into the open. It’s our own little secret, and therefore, safe from harm. But maybe we have to let those secrets out in order to actually really live. The fallout from those secrets being revealed is often hard…or sometime surprising and maybe even inevitable.

We all feel caught at some point or another between choices. Like one once said, "Freedom of choice is what we want. Freedom from choice is what we need." Having choices, at first, feels exciting, but after a while it can also be overwhelming, like we're trapped with no clear way out. If you're lucky you might find someone is there to catch you when you finally escape the web. But most of the time, it's harder. Some people get caught between their secrets and wanting to do the right thing...while others are caught between their desires and their ambitions. I was faced with a tough decision, for sure. But I no longer felt caught between what I wanted and what my dad wanted. Do everything you can just to get what you want. Do everything you can, not because you have to but because you want to. And more importantly, do everything you can because that you deserves much more than those effortlessly thrown shots and often misused and empty words. I realized this was my life, and I wasn't going to have any regrets.

Too many options or choices can kill a man. My brain can kill a man, too! Bigtime! Brain owner included. I cannot firmly decide on which action to take when my shitty brain won’t stop creating branches of options for options for more options on which concrete route to take. And this limbo is slowly and silently beginning its process of killing me. Where do I start? How will I start? What is money without the feeling of fulfillment? I need to find a way to get me out in this kind of dilemma. Or anywhere near that point in the triangle. Do I need a sign? Oh, yeah I need a sign!! I need someone to push me harder. I need faith in my ability. In God’s plan, in myself, I’m calling out the universe, please connive and give me a tiny boost. And then I promise to take it from here.

“If you want something so bad, chase after it. Don't saunter. Don't stroll. Don't even brisk walk.”

Book Review: Safe Haven by Nicholas Sparks

*SUMMARY from Goodreads:

Love hurts. There is nothing as painful as heartbreak. But in order to learn to love again, you must learn to trust again.

When a mysterious young woman named Katie appears in the small North Carolina town of Southport, her sudden arrival raises questions about her past. Beautiful yet self-effacing, Katie seems determined to avoid forming personal ties until a series of events draws her into two reluctant relationships: one with Alex, a widowed store owner with a kind heart and two young children; and another with her plainspoken single neighbor, Jo. Despite her reservations, Katie slowly begins to let down her guard, putting down roots in the close-knit community and becoming increasingly attached to Alex and his family.

But even as Katie begins to fall in love, she struggles with the dark secret that still haunts and terrifies her...a past that set her on a fearful, shattering journey across the country, to the sheltered oasis of Southport. With Jo’s empathic and stubborn support, Katie eventually realizes that she must choose between a life of transient safety and one of riskier rewards... and that in the darkest hour, love is the only true safe haven.

*REVIEW:

Hey guys! It’s been a while since I’ve done a book review. Today I’d like to review a book I just finished a couple of days ago, Safe Haven by Nicholas Sparks. Romantic? Cheesy? Cheesier? From the tearjerker ‘A Walk to Remember’ to the classic-epic ‘The Notebook’ to the downright depressing ‘Dear John’, to the new ‘Safe Haven’.

I am a self-proclaimed Nicholas Sparks fan. :) Without Nicholas Sparks I would never have added North Carolina in my list to travel to or walked down the aisle at my wedding to a guitar-violin playing “Only Hope” (just like in A Walk to Remember). Although I’ve only read couple of Nicholas Sparks’s books, and the few I haven't read are on my to-read list. I’ve watched enough of his movies to know that I’m a fan of his storytelling. I know, I know. Nicholas Sparks’ stories are cheesy. They are all set in a similar, small, southern town, and for the most part, they follow this predictable storyline…Boy meets girl, Boy falls in love with girl, For some reason, boy and girl split up, Boy and girl get back together, Boy and girl live happily ever after…. But I LOVE these cheesy stories. I love curling up on the couch with one of Sparks’ books or popping in a Sparks’ movie in my DVD player, and knowing exactly what I’m going to get.

I gotta warn you, there might be some spoilers following. Maybe this would be a good place to shout SPOILER ALERT! because, as in all my book and movie reviews, I can't be stopped from giving away too much things happened. So, if you don't want to know, then stop reading now and come back later (if you want to). :D

But on to the discussion.

Not too far into the story, I realized that this book was...different. Although it had all the hallmarks of a Nicholas Sparks tearjerker - an aura of sadness, and a safe, sleepy North Carolina town - it also had shadow of darkness.

Safe Haven is a really brilliant love story; we see love, fear, friendship, family and a controversial issue of domestic abuse, introducing us to Katie, a girl who has rocked up in Southport leaving people wondering where she’s come from. She is being hunted however, and life might not always be happy or safe. She catches the eye of Alex, not only because she is beautiful, but because she looks scared. He is owner of the biggest store in Southport, finds himself wondering about Katie, and the two slowly get to know each other. Alex used to be in the CID department of the Army and had learnt to read people.

Another person who befriends Katie is her new neighbor, Jo. Between Jo and Alex they bring Katie out of her shell and eventually, as she falls in love with Alex, she reveals what she is running from. The story follows her and Alex as they fall in love and Katie slips into the family, spending time with Alex and his children.

Around halfway through the book Katie reveals her real name and tells the story of her marriage, and her husband Kevin. What I liked is that after that we then follow Kevin’s story as well. I was intrigued that he regularly quoted Bible verses. I did like that both sides of the story were told, it added depth and meaning to the story. There were darker undertones to the novel, and I thought Sparks handled them sensitively. I’d guessed Katie’s secret, it’s well written and it didn’t necessarily bother me that I already knew. I don’t want to give too much away because although I knew what was going to happen and I’d guessed it, I still enjoyed the way Sparks presented it and there were many little surprises I enjoyed learning as I was reading. The novel is probably predictable in more ways than one, but for me, I got into it easily from the first page and I constantly wanted to pick it up and read yet another chapter.

I found the characters to be very well presented and very easy to like. I liked the characters, especially Katie and Alex. I loved how delicate they were at the beginning. Katie grabbed me from page one, with her hesitancy and her want for secrecy. Her life isn’t perfect and she isn’t perfect but I liked how direct she was. I also really loved Alex. It was so easy to feel sympathy to him as his wife had passed away…I found his kids Josh and Kristen to be totally adorable; I’m not that a fan of children but I could have totally kidnapped those two as they were so sweet. Her only friend, Jo, a grief counselor who lives in the neighboring cottage. I was incredibly surprised about what I learned about her and I liked her too. The one character I didn’t like in any way was Kevin. He was an awful, awful person. Memorable, very memorable, but horrible. I don't feel at all bad saying that he deserved what happened to him in the end.

L-R: Noah Lomaz (Josh), Julianne Hough (Katie), Mimi Kirkland (Kristen) and Josh Duhamel ( Alex)

Dave Lyons as Kevin Tierney

Cobie Smulders as Jo

In one scene where Alex gives a sealed letter from her wife to Katie or, as she puts it, to the woman he chooses. This is where things get a little weird. Katie's about to open the letter, alone at her house, when she notices that Jo's house is completely deserted and ramshackle-looking, as if no one has lived there in years. Before Katie even opens the letter she begins to think about her times with Jo. In a burst of the sixth sense-like clarity, Katie (and I) realized the obvious - that Jo was the ghost of Alex's wife. Well the truth about Jo truly knocked me for a loop. It was something I didn't see coming, and it was actually that secret that had me in tears more than the rest of the story. I had known there was something off about Jo but had chalked it up to her being one of those nosy, meddlesome friend characters. I was also a little creeped out. Jo's letter to Katie is every bit as heartrending as you'd expect it to be. Sparks pulls out all the stops with his signature story-telling device - the letter. It adds a whole new dimension to the kind of love triangle between spouse, deceased spouse, and new lover.

Finding out Katie's secret though, I pretty much saw that one coming, and had already guessed that it would lead to some kind of explosive encounter towards the end of the book...and it did. The character of Kevin made me squirm and feel disgusted, and I really wanted to reach through my iPod screen and kill the guy. So excellent job at creating this horrid and nasty character. He definitely falls into the villain category.

Anyway, I haven’t watched the film adaptation yet, but, I am looking forward to seeing it. I can already see a few changes they've made, based on watching the trailer. In the book Katie starts out as a blonde and then dyes her hair to become a brunette, but in the movie it shows her as starting off as a brunette and then becoming a blonde. Okay, not a huge change really but still it could have remained true to the story. Also, in the book Alex is described as being one of those younger men who goes grey prematurely, but in the movie he has a nice brown hair. Come on, again, it is a small detail, but they could have done it. There are a few other minor stories and plot details I noticed have changed, but I can't make a full comparison until I actually see the movie.

I thoroughly enjoyed Safe Haven. The ending is very fast-paced and I found myself constantly reading, reading, and reading so I could finish it and see how it was all going to end. It was frantic and I just couldn’t put it down. Nicholas Sparks is a hugely enjoyable author. I love his books and movies. There’s no shame that he’s a romance author, his love stories are traditional and I can see why he’s so popular and why a lot of his novels are made into movies. Safe Haven was just a wonderful read; it made me believe in love (corny, right?). I liked that Safe Haven eschewed all of the normal love story rules. Katie and Alex’s relationship progresses at a nice, steady pace. There are so few traditional love stories in Romance Lit that Nicholas Sparks provides a nice distraction. He always seems to have something sad in them but even so they are amazing!

The ending of the book was so exciting! Kevin came and chased Katie. I was hooked and couldn’t put the book down once he discovered where she was. The ending was tense, but really good. There was a twist that I didn’t see coming and I enjoyed the ending. I was satisfied and gripped until the end.

So overall, this is a must read story. This is a great book. I think Sparks dealt with the issue of domestic abuse and death very well. The characters were so easy to like. It has it all. The love story, the suspense, and a little bit of a 'wow factor' which is how I like to call it. I'm not going to spoil it but Jo is the wow factor in this story. I absolutely recommend this book. I believe you won't be disappointed. All I can say in the end is thank you Nicholas for this incredible story. I can’t recommend this book enough.

Here’s a sweet glimpse of its film adaptation:

Throwback Wednesday

I’ve been listening regularly to Monster Radio RX93.1 (FM Radio) for a couple of years now but I learned of them since I was in College. However, I’m not consistently tuning in since I’m not that a morning person, you know! Anyway, to cut the long story short, I’m enjoying my mornings because of them. When stuck in traffic in the morning I always find myself being irritated. To lighten up my mood, I always tune in to RXTMR and…BOOM! Hahaha! They definitely lighten up my mood. I believe a lot of regular listeners would agree. Right?

But, I never fail to listen them when I am on my way for some errands or while I’m driving in the morning. At first it was only Chico and Del, now they have Gino on the house too! I think their trio is a big hit. The radio show becomes more hilarious! They never fail to make us laugh. It’s just getting better and better! Nonetheless, be overly cautious when listening to them inside a public transportation. Why? Others might think that you’re insane! Hahaha! I try to be as calm as possible whenever they start to tease one another. I also find it amusing whenever Call Center Guy (Chico) greets the rushes because I believe that it’s pretty hard to do. One of the things you look forward to during the Morning Rush besides the Top 10 is the Epic Pic and the Epic Rap-Off.

I’m currently a silent rusher. For those who don’t know what a “rusher” means, this is a term used or called upon those who listen to Monster Radio RX 93.1’s The Morning Rush. It’s the stations morning show hosted by the dynamic duo, Chico and Delamar.

I’ve been their listener since my college days, hmmm…..I believed I’ve influenced by Sha and Mitch my close friends of mine to listen to the show since we always have morning classes during college. It's been a habit for me and my friends to listen to them every day on our way to school. I may not be like the rest of the rushers who’s actively text or call in to answer on their TOP 10. I admire those avid listeners even envy them for they’ve raised their relationship to just being a listener to even a personal friend of the jocks. But considering how silent I was before, I’m more active now. I guess that’s an improvement. I tweet once in a while.

Wednesday mornings are sometimes jarring to me, because my usual radio station (Monster Radio RX 93.1) plays “old” songs on this day. And it always surprises me to hear songs that are very familiar to me, even if as it turns out, they were released more than a decade ago—thus qualifying for the Wednesday playlist. Nothing quite like it makes me feel so old!

I love a lot of 90s pop and R&B songs, as well as a handful of turn-of-the-century hits. Aside from RX, Mellow 94.7 also dedicates its Saturday afternoons to songs from the 90s.

Here are some of my favorites that I recently enjoyed on the radio/TV/iTunes: (Just click the LINK if you're not familiar with the song.)

1. Stigmatized by The Calling
2. I’ll be there for you by Rembrandts
3. Semi-Charmed Life by Third Eye Blind
4. Kiss Me by Sixpence None the Richer
5. I don’t want to wait by Paula Cole
6. LoveFool by Cardigans
7. Torn by Natalie Imburglia
8. Ironic by Alanis Morisette
9. Stay by Lisa Loeb
10. Wonderwall by Oasis
11. If you don’t know me by now by Simply Red
12. Lemon tree by Fool’s Garden
13. Don’t Speak by No doubt
14. Iris by Goo Goo Dolls
15. Back For Good by Take That
16. One of Us by Joan Osborne
17. Buses and Trains by Bachelor Girl
18. Everybody Hurts by REM
19. Everything I Do by Bryan Adams
20. Linger by Cranberries

There must be about a dozen more or so that I’ve listened to recently, but they’ve slipped my mind for now. I always turn into a giddy pile of nostalgia whenever I hear ‘em, though. But no way shit this good is old!

Love is when...

Reblogged from Thought Catalog. I just enjoyed reading this. This is so well-written! I personally love the use of extreme almost grotesque images to capture the intensity of raw love. It is the same as how I feel about love. That even when I'm grumpy and frumpy and down, all I want is to be with him. But I also don't because I don't want him to see me sad. And yet, he is what makes me better."I hate everything as much as I love you." Great line in a great thing.

Love is when... by Kat George

I guess love is when I’m super cranky because I’ve got my period, and I’m sitting on the bed when you get home from work and even though I’m so relieved to see you, I scowl at you and complain that my belly hurts. I won’t cuddle you when you come and sit on the edge of the bed, even though all I really want to do is crawl inside you and wear your skin as a coat and your guts as a scarf, because love is gross and creepy like that. I have my period and my tummy hurts and I love you so much I want to slap you in the face.

I’ll grunt at you instead of answering your questions and I’ll be relieved when you leave the room and shut the door behind you, because I love you so much, and you should never have to receive me when I’m like this. When I’m like this I should be shackled to a wall and fed gruel that’s been slopped on the ground in front of me, and my hands should be tied behind my back so that I have to lap it up from the dirty floor with my tongue.

I guess love is when you come back, 15 minutes later, and you’ve been down to the off license and bought me my favorite biscuits, you know, the Weston’s Digestives with the chocolate on one side, even though it’s cold in the street and we’re poor and have no money to pay our rent. The way you come back to me, with the packet of biscuits in one hand and a cup of tea in the other, the way you come so silently and put these things next to me, the way you walk across the room without even displacing the air you’re moving through, makes me ashamed that you have to love someone that can be such a horrible little troll.

But still, I love you so much I am too embarrassed to apologise, and I continue to sit there with my arms crossed and my bottom lip out. I won’t even turn my head to face you, but I can see the biscuits laying on the bed between us, as you take up your position next to me, leaning against the brick wall because I’ve got all the pillows and I’m too stubborn and surly to take one. I think I love you more as we sit there, me obstinate and you so calm, a ringmaster waltzing boldly into a lion’s den.

And then without warning, my eyes lap with waves and I’m ready to look at you and say I’m sorry for being such a brat, it’s just that I feel so horrible, and I hate it here sometimes, in this tiny mouse infested apartment, their little droppings sometimes between the sheets of our mattress that lives on the floor. I hate that my tummy hurts, I hate that we don’t have a living room in our flat, that we can’t afford to go to a restaurant. I hate everything as much as I love you.

So you squeeze my hand and you say, I know, and you say we can just watch Paris Hilton’s British Best Friend and you’ll bitch about all the contestants with me and even pretend like you care. I start to cry because you are the best, and I tell you I didn’t mean it, that I love our tiny mouse infested apartment, I love it here, I love it here with you and did I mention that I love you? You say we’re going to miss the start of the program and you smile at me.

We watch Paris Hilton’s British Best Friend and you have an opinion on everything, and we complain about all the contestants like they’re friends we dislike and we’re driving back from a dinner party we just had with them, and we eat the whole packet of biscuits and drink tea until my tummy doesn’t hurt anymore and we’re holding hands. When the show is over, we go to the bathroom together and brush our teeth standing side by side in front of the mirror, like we do every night since we moved here. You poke me with the frothy tip of your brush, I pretend like I think it’s gross because I know you think the face I pull when I do that is cute, and then we have an argument about whether or not we can cross swords and you swear if I sit on the toilet you can aim your wee so it gets right between my legs and none will go on me. And like every night before, and every night after, we don’t cross swords.

Before we go to bed you lay on your tummy with your shirt off and I lay on your back squeezing your blackheads, and we talk about what happened today at work. So I guess love is when we eventually lay together in the darkness, and have our ten minutes of cuddles, then both roll to our own side of the bed because neither of us can sleep while cuddling unless we’re drunk or sad and right now we’re sober and happy. You touch your big toe against mine under the sheets and we fall asleep just like this; far enough apart to fall into dreams, but pressing together regardless.

Everyday

Everyday, everything feels new. It is like a new stage. It's like a roller coaster of different levels - it gets freaky when you're about to fall from a high point yet you still have fun in the end. But at some point, some days are like songs you once loved to sing however now; you wished you never knew the words.

I hate change. It takes a lot of time and effort for me to adjust to new things. Ironically, despite my apprehensions, I usually end up embracing whatever it is that took so long to get used to. It’s a bad cycle, really. I find it difficult to accept a new situation, but sometimes this difficulty is what eventually makes it all the more endearing it to me. And by the time I need to move on from it, I find myself unable to let go and unwilling to face yet another version of my life. This is why I’m frightened of things suddenly changing around me. Can be somebody or something. The knowledge that I will surely make it through brings me little comfort.

I never wanted to be at this point, who else wants to be? Right? I dreamed of happiness and felicity for everyday, every minute or each single seconds of the clock in my life. AM I SOUND BORING EH?? Hahaha Honestly, in everything I do, in everything I chose, I always first ask myself, “Do I want this?”, “Will this makes me happy?” or “Do I need this?” if YES, I’ll embrace it wholeheartedly with open arms meaning I’m ready enough for the consequences, for the pros and cons of whatever it may bring. If NO or MAYBE, I’ll turn it down and move on to the next.

I am not bragging that I can make up my mind fast. That I can visualize what may happen or which is black or white…..In fact I replay every detail that can help in my decision making and to tell you, ITS HARD, SOOO DAMN HARD!!

Sometimes life has its own way of unfolding things in time you wouldn’t expect it to be, for you to clearly understand the events. One day I feel happy, next day happier, the next day bad, then badder and then you’ll assume tomorrow will be the worth-est. But life sometimes fools you! You silly kid! You saw sunshine and rainbow eventually. Lalala~ Life’s good in a way, SEE?? Life is awesome. It makes you awe in things or people every day. It can be a good one, a success or triumph then it turns into awww suddenly, which is bad, sadness or failure.

TO MYSELF, hang on in there, it’s what you chose, this is what you wanted and needed some time to recover…what I’d rather know is how you can manage to have your whole world turned upside down without feeling anything… perhaps, things will get better. :)

I Have Story to Tell

I love stories. If you gave me unlimited time to anything I wanted. I would spend it all devouring stories. I could be reading or watching something. Either way, I’d be very happy. The way we tell stories have evolved over time. In the early time, people just passed them on with the spoke word. Now there are more than few methods to go about it. Because of existence of this highly technical gadgets in this geeration, stories can tell in many means, can be through e-books, audiobooks, podcasts which is mostly convenient to all of us, anytime and anywhere.

Film has become a very popular way, probably because it’s too easy to sit back and absorb something with very little effort while enjoying yourself as well. Back in the days, I’m a person who always prefers viewing something over reading it, because I’d readily enjoy something ragher than have to imagine it for myself. But now that perspective change, I love both. I personally do enjoy reading just as much as I enjoy watching. :))

We all have stories to tell…stories about love, hope, pain, holding on, letting go and moving on…we smiled, we laughed, we cried on and over these stories. Stories allow us to experience things that are completely different from our lives. It’s part of human nature. It’s part of the transition. The irony is that we often judge a piece of work by how well we can relate to it, even when the setting or plot is so bizarre to us. But that’s probably the secret to a great story — we have to go through all these to teach us to recognize, to understand, and to appreciate our existence. It is how deeply affects us, despite our distance from it. How I wish I had all the time to read, to know and to watch all the great stories in the world.