Everyday

Everyday, everything feels new. It is like a new stage. It's like a roller coaster of different levels - it gets freaky when you're about to fall from a high point yet you still have fun in the end. But at some point, some days are like songs you once loved to sing however now; you wished you never knew the words.

I hate change. It takes a lot of time and effort for me to adjust to new things. Ironically, despite my apprehensions, I usually end up embracing whatever it is that took so long to get used to. It’s a bad cycle, really. I find it difficult to accept a new situation, but sometimes this difficulty is what eventually makes it all the more endearing it to me. And by the time I need to move on from it, I find myself unable to let go and unwilling to face yet another version of my life. This is why I’m frightened of things suddenly changing around me. Can be somebody or something. The knowledge that I will surely make it through brings me little comfort.

I never wanted to be at this point, who else wants to be? Right? I dreamed of happiness and felicity for everyday, every minute or each single seconds of the clock in my life. AM I SOUND BORING EH?? Hahaha Honestly, in everything I do, in everything I chose, I always first ask myself, “Do I want this?”, “Will this makes me happy?” or “Do I need this?” if YES, I’ll embrace it wholeheartedly with open arms meaning I’m ready enough for the consequences, for the pros and cons of whatever it may bring. If NO or MAYBE, I’ll turn it down and move on to the next.

I am not bragging that I can make up my mind fast. That I can visualize what may happen or which is black or white…..In fact I replay every detail that can help in my decision making and to tell you, ITS HARD, SOOO DAMN HARD!!

Sometimes life has its own way of unfolding things in time you wouldn’t expect it to be, for you to clearly understand the events. One day I feel happy, next day happier, the next day bad, then badder and then you’ll assume tomorrow will be the worth-est. But life sometimes fools you! You silly kid! You saw sunshine and rainbow eventually. Lalala~ Life’s good in a way, SEE?? Life is awesome. It makes you awe in things or people every day. It can be a good one, a success or triumph then it turns into awww suddenly, which is bad, sadness or failure.

TO MYSELF, hang on in there, it’s what you chose, this is what you wanted and needed some time to recover…what I’d rather know is how you can manage to have your whole world turned upside down without feeling anything… perhaps, things will get better. :)

Bittersweet Symphony

My life as I know it is evolving by the second. I can barely catch my breath chasing after every millisecond that passes my way. For what it's worth, this is a fresh start for me. On the other hand, it may mean my demise. 

In general, I can say that I'm physically strong all my life. You won't find me stationary for a long time. There's always something that I would do because if not I think I would die. I would be running around, meeting with friends, going to different places, etc.

For a while there, I thought I was sucked into the twilight zone...and then I opened my eyes. Of course, a computer screen with monochromatic window met my ever-so-fluttering eyes. :) Ooops, I'm work! Naa-ah! But, I'm home now, was just channeling the wonders of relay and beyond! Haha

SOOOOO.....

Here's the thing, let's just straight to the point why I'm writing this entry.

It has always been a thought-provoking torment whenever I assess where I'm going in this madness thing call LIFE. At most times, I end up happy and contented with how I've seen things through different aspects, and I end my reverie with a smile and a breath of relief. Now, however, I am seemingly left dumbfounded at the thought of change starting to creep into my senses once again.

My day job, through which I came to know different things and characters, has come and GONE! Yeah, you read it right. I resigned!! It will take effect until this month. WHY?? Because, now, I'm back to my ultimate goal, to pursue what I have spent 4 years in college, career pursuance and growth, digging my half-read books, friends and pipe dreams - things I tossed in the compost heap in preparation for the so called grown-up life. Those meetings and trainings were bound to conclude, so much for waiting for time to cease all foggy madness and I am now facing HARDCORE FACTS.

But, of course, since we all know that life brings us a plethora of surprises "every each time", let me go for the gold by saying I have learned GARGANTUAN amount in those last months I spent as slave to life's effort to teach us the ropes with matters of unfairness.

The sudden urge of "change it up" or "starting over" has crept into me and sometime I am left confused...

Should I stay or should I go? Yes or No? Questions keep bugging my mind before I come into my decision. Me thinks this needs a surfeit of everything to be decided on. No spur-of-the-moment answers, I hope and I will come to the conclusion if and when I do. 

Right now I'm sad because I'll be leaving my team, my boss, and friends who loved, supported and be with...and so soon! :'( but with the thought that we will forever be in each other's hearts, I am slightly comforted. After all, the missing part of the situation will be the hardest to live with. So, a "see you, when I see you" is in session, and thank you to everyone! :D It doesn't matter what happened before, what matters is now.

I'm not all terrified of what is to come. I actually am excited. But when I really think of everything else in between, I plan nonstop and my panic button activated. Weird I am!! :P As much as I want to resolve my thoughts right here and right now, time could not be a better juror in my momentary query. So I guess my phone-in-questions have yet to be relayed in utmost delay and I shall await the no response until time heeds my call.

No matter how my life is hectic in uncanny ways, and topsy-turvy (in a good way, of course). Though life was somewhat this and somewhat that, I'm NOT COMPLAINING at all. In whatever way or form people may see how life makes an effort to make us learn what we need to epitomize in our beings I am in this for the long haul and I am holding tight until the end of the line. Who knows what will be up when I arrive? Only me and a few people will know. I don't know what else may happen in the next few days, but whatever it is, allow me to SMILE and finally put my panic button to rest. 

ANYWAY,

For whatever purpose I may responding to, I know I want this right now. So, I'll be a WARRIOR PRINCESS and be a SOLDIER in separate ordeals. As much as I would like to elaborate, I can only say that I pray for the best!!! :))

IF ALL ELSE FAILS, SMILE AND MAKE THE MAGIC HAPPEN!! :D