A Day In The Life Of A Sellout

Hello there! Again, another Thought Catalog posts here. :)) I've been a fan of reading this emo-poignant-pragmatic essays ever since so expects that this blog will contain flood of articles from this site. Enjoy reading!

Wake up with alarm at 6 a.m.

Hit the snooze exactly four times.

Get out of bed at 6:42 am.

Turn on your cheesy motivational playlist, and sing along to exactly 2 songs while showering.

Try not to think too much about the monotony ahead of you today.

Get dressed. Skirt, tights, blouse, heels, blazer.

Put in headphones, head to subway. Listen to more relatable songs about following dreams. Relatable in the sense that your life is that first part of the song where someone is unfulfilled. Not the happy part at the end.

Get to work. Buy large iced coffee. Smile as you pay. $2.02.

Sit at your desk. Take a deep breath.

Check email for any possible responses to job applications. Nothing.

You spend 5 minutes doing actual work. You struggle to find motivation. What are you really accomplishing? Are you doing anything worthwhile?

You try to find satisfaction in a project you completed. You smile briefly, then remember what it’s like to feel real passion about work. This feeling now? It doesn’t even compare to that feeling.

You spend approximately 45 minutes remembering what it felt like to be doing what you loved.

Then remember you are $50,000 in debt.

Some days the minutes drag by like a prison sentence. Other days fly by and you realize you wasted a day. One whole day of your life is gone and what do you have to show for it? Have you made your life or anyone else’s life any better?

You see an ad about “living the life you’ve imagined” or some other ridiculous tagline and want to spray paint BULLSHIT across the venomous deceitful words. Propaganda.

You find yourself getting angry when you hear these things. Why do we continue pushing these lies that you can make your dreams come true? Don’t people know just LIVING is too expensive? Dreams are irresponsible.

You get home. You vaguely remember to appreciate the fact you can afford an apartment. You throw some chicken in the microwave.

You turn on the TV. Glass of wine. Eat. Watch 2 hours of TV, and suddenly another few hours of your life disappears. You think back on the last year of your life and realize how much of your life has just disappeared.

It’s 10:30. Your eyes are heavy and your body feels tired.

You have a good life. You pay your bills. You put food on the table. But when you turn off that light at night and there’s nowhere to hide, you’re empty.

Your 15 year old self would be so disappointed in the monotonous life you lead.

As you fall asleep, you rationalize. Every night you rationalize. You’re thankful, you have a job. This is just how the world works. You tell 15-year-old-you that she’s unrealistic and doesn’t understand the real world.

She tells you that you’re a coward.

She’s right.

You’re a sellout.

11:02 p.m. you fall asleep.

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Yeah! Kinda story of my so-called life...I'm pretty sure this is a piece about how it feels to have to trade in your independence to perform a job and simply exist. Taking that first step of blind faith can be hard. Taking steps in a positive direction, following a glimmer of hope and a glimpse of a dream, opens the doors for things you never even knew you loved or were good at. It's a way cool thing. I think that if you want to follow your dreams, if you really believe you could be successful doing it, and then do it. That’s not to say it’s easy. I wouldn’t be able to sit here and tell you that it is. It’s a work in progress. Some days are wicked awesome; others get the best of you. It’s about arming you with the right tools and letting that spark catch. And together, together we’ll discover our purpose.

To the Twentysomething who wants to change the world

>> Good reads!! Inspiring article to share...:)
>>Take a minute and let yourself 'go-there'. Close your eyes and think about what would your dream look like if you could make it a reality. DARE TO BELIEVE, IT IS POSSIBLE!! :))

Dear Fresh Grad, 

I think I saw you yesterday along Makati Avenue, wearing the most smart-casual attire your closet will allow, waiting for the traffic light to change to red. You were clutching a brown envelope -- they contained your resumes, right? But, you looked a little flustered. Did your job interview not go so well? It's your fifth interview in six weeks, I hear? Don't worry, they say " Don't call us, we'll call you" to almost everybody. Hindi ka nag-iisa. Oh, your best friend nailed her interview on the first try? And your other ka-barkada, too? Well, good for them. Wag ka lang inggitera. 

I know, I know. You've imagined yourself to be in your dream job immediately after graduation, getting paid (a lot), and doing what you love to do (so "it doesn't feel like work at all,"). You saw yourself changing the world, while live posting it on twitter. 

I must say, your imagination's pretty impressive, and you must've been reading a lot of Steve Jobs. Darling, the real world doesn't work that way, and definitely not that fast. So your two friends who nailed it on their first try? I'll bet you'll spend at least one Friday night with them at a karaoke bar, singing your angst away. Alani's Hand in My Pocket is a good first song, by the way.

*Buying Starbucks

You'll find a job yourself soon. It won't be your dream job, but hey, at least it will pay for happy hour. You will be asked to buy Starbucks for your boss's guest, and while walking out of the office, you'll tell the universe, "Nag-graduate ako ng cum laude para lang bumili ng kape?" When you return, the boss will be angry to know that you forgot to put Splenda in his coffee, and the universe will tell you, "E kape nga lang hindi mo mabili ng maayos, cum laude ka pa nyan ha." You will print the wrong report. You will be yelled at for a lousy job someone else did, and you will be yelled at for a job you put your whole heart into. You will be told you're stupid, and if you're lucky, the whole office will be there to hear it. You will cry in your cubicle. You will lose the promotion to the boss's son, or to someone less hardworking than you. You will learn about dirty office politics, and you will be frustrated to know that you can't do anything about it. You will figure in office tsismis, and you'll make your Twitter account private. You will see your friends going to Boracay, Bangkok and Europe, having the time of their lives. while you're left here, living paycheck to paycheck, wishing you were born an Ayala, a Gokongwei, or a Gosling. You will think about quitting. You will lose the sparkle and the passion. You will forget about your ultimate dream when the real world crushes it right before your eyes. 

But, please don't!!

*Make Passion Last

The truth is, you will never be as passionate as your Fresh Grad self ever again. Make that passion last as long as you can. I don't want to be dramatic, but really, that sparkle? Once it's gone, you can never take it back. Oo, parang virginity lang.

So while you have it, savor the moment. Go make mistakes, while you're still expected to be imperfect. Go cry in the cubicle, while your age allows it. Go sing Hand in My Pocket and You Learn at the karaoke bar, while you're still "young and underpaid". Go chase your dreams and change the world. The best time to change the world? It's right after college, when you are f***ing sure you can. 

See, you will become 26. Then 28. Then 30. And you will be busy looking for money to pay for the bills, or yelling at your assistant who printed the wrong report, and you will just forget about the world you badly wanted to change before. 

How old are you again? Actually, I don't really need to know. You were glowing from where I saw you, and that gave away your age. So stand up straight, clutch your resumes, hold on to your dreams, and stay glowing as long as you can. Make the most of your youth. I swear, you'll miss it when it's gone, and by that time, you will only be able to write about it. 

Best regards, 

An Ex-Fresh Grad

Source:

The Philippine Star

By Antoinette Jadaone