11 Little Notes Of Life

From Thought Catalog by Alanda Kariza

I am a great believer of the saying that getting lost allows you to (re)discover yourself. Thus, I travel a lot, and most of the time alone. Sometimes I understand myself better when I get lost between historical buildings that are also landmarks of a city; and I get to love the person inside me stronger when my feet are enjoying the sand and the salty sea situated on one of Indonesia’s coasts. Today, I just finished a 10-day trip to Italy; spent a few days working and the rest, basically, wandering around the old city. Wondering about my life, being drowned amongst the crowds in front of the Spanish Steps. Imagining of the things that could have happened, or could not have happened. Recalling the events that have built my life up onto this moment and made me meet the people I’ve shared my life with; and the (expected) events that did not really make it. Plenty of things have happened, and most of them have given me a bunch of lessons to be learned. I think it would be very important to take note of them. As a reminder.

I was once a very rational person; I used to assess almost everything with my logic to give my heart a thick shield. To prevent it to be broken once again, especially when I have run out of glue to fix it. But then, love happened, and things changed. They changed a lot. But, at times, we just got to go back to square one. And start over. And be rational again.

One day, I might have a look at these notes once again; simply to prevent them from being forgotten. Consider this as a manifesto. Well, I love manifestos. I thought, someday I would have to write one like that. Perhaps that one day is going to be today. (Although these notes would probably only account a bit of it.)

1. Feelings are often real. But the words we use to express them, most of the time, are illusory.

So, carefully think about the words we choose to use. Never say “I love you” just to create an illusion of feelings, nor to make our counterpart love us. The worst of “I love you”s are those that are not wholeheartedly said. Therefore, when you say it; make sure you mean it.

2. Being young is not only about leaving a mark in the world. It is also about letting the world leaves a mark within us.

May it be through an event, or even more, through a person. So go. Fall in love, make mistakes, break your heart, and probably start over.

3. There is no such thing as “unrequited feeling.”

However, perhaps, the level of requital that we get might be higher or lower than our expectations. (Perhaps it’s best not to expect anything at all, and let it be a surprise. Let life surprises you.)

4. When God takes away something you (thought you) have, usually you are going to get something better. However, be grateful of what you have at the moment. Keep it. Protect it. Or you might end up losing something that matters the most in your life.

And try not to regret when that happens, especially when you have failed in protecting it. Let it wander to a better place, a place that would keep it safe.)

5. Never fall in love in your sleep

What usually comes as a dream might suddenly show up as a nightmare. Since then, your sleeps and naps would never be the same anymore. Be in love while you are awake. Be in love knowing the risks you take, the ‘dangers’ you will face. Be in love with a person, not the idea of him/her that you have projected yourself. Be in love with a person, not the idea of him/her that he/she tries to project for you to believe in.

6. (Always) believe that there is probably a person out there who deserves to get the best of you.

You might meet him/her soon.

7.The only person in the world who could make you happy is yourself. Before others.

I usually compliment myself with ice creams too, though. Ice creams make me really happy.

8. Most of the time, feeling exhausted also means that you have not make your life wasted for nothing.

Keep going.

9. The worst feeling that you could ever possess to someone is the feeling of possessing him/her, as if that person is completely yours.

Because you could never, ever “own” a person. You could only be happy when the person you choose to be with also chooses to be with you.

10. Words might hurt you, but words shouldn’t.

You have the sole ownership of yourself, and that includes deciding what kinds of things would offend and would not offend you.

11. Be happy.

Because you only need yourself to be happy, and because you can. Allow yourself to be happy. With or without someone else. Isn’t it such a great feeling to realize that we can be happy on our own? As soon as we have allowed ourselves to be happy on our own, then we can be happy with another person.

Don’t Define Yourself By What You’re Not

This is another article from Thought Catalog by Brianna Wiest.

I find it fascinating that people are usually described, initially at least, by a brief summary of their physical attributes and anything else that is outwardly recognizable. The first things we tend to first reach for when explaining someone are their hair color, clothing style, height, weight, job, or other successes. Even when we note that so-and-so is a really great person, that fact usually doesn’t stand alone. It’s sandwiched between other physical descriptors.

But that would make sense, right? Those are the obvious, most easily definable and recognizable things in a person. When we try to paint a picture of someone, we want to use what will best facilitate a visual. I get that. But the problem is that as much as we define other people within those means, I think we can sometimes begin to think of ourselves as being only the summation of what others can perceive.

You are not your hair color. You are not your choice of clothing. You’re not your height, weight or job or degree of education. More importantly, you’re not your mistakes. You’re not defined by the things that make you human, otherwise known to some as “flaws.” The physical are just descriptors that make you easier to identify by others, they don’t define who you are.

You are whatever touches your soul more deeply than anything. You are who you love. You are the music that makes you cry. You are the daydreams your mind trails off to. You are your favorite food. You are your deepest desires. You are what you want to bring to the world. You are the silly jokes that make you laugh. You are how you treat other people, especially people who don’t and can’t do anything for you in return. You are anything and everything that touches you and changes you from your core.

I’ve noticed that people tend to fall into two categories in this respect, and I usually see it when I’m having a conversation with someone. There are those who focus on what they’re saying, and those who focus on how they appear while saying it. As a disclaimer, it’s not to say that everybody in the world falls into either category, we’re all too diverse for such simple generalizations, so I apologize for that. Also, it’s not a matter of seeing that someone is using an abnormally astute vocabulary and is dressed well that would determine whether or not they are trying to seem intelligent and put-together.

It’s that when someone is focused on what they’re saying, it’s apparent that they feel they have something to bring to the table. Their faces express emotion congruent to what they are saying. It’s clear that they are, for the majority of the time, focusing on just what they are saying, not how they are being received by others. The conversation moves beyond the superficial, and there is truly thought behind their words. They are not speaking just for the sake of appearing one way or another or impressing anyone. They are speaking from their depths, and they realize that they aren’t what the world will take them to be.

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This was such a nice article. I like how the writer describe people speaking from their despair and realizing that physical appearance are just picture that help you to recognize by others, but it doesn’t define who you are. I feel like while reading it, also deals with the awareness that can lead to so many self-esteem issues. It is best just to know you who are and what your value and loving and accepting yourself can come so much easier.

I believe that everyone’s special in their own way. Everyone is unique and special; even if you don't think you are. Everyone has a unique physical structure and a mind. Just because you’re a little different doesn’t mean you’re not special. I learned that there are people who are different from others that want acceptance. That I shouldn’t accept them just because I feel pity for them but that I should accept them for who they are. Without variations in the world the world is boring. Everything is dull and everything would look the same. This I believe. There is something deeper inside of you, beyond your surface appearance. Think beyond what you can see.